Control is such a demand of the ego. I want something and if I don’t get it I’m going to be sad or mad. Anything created by the ego is an illusion. It’s a choice if you want to get out of it or stay in the clenching and stuckness it brings.
Control is the ego’s last ditch effort to stay within the constraints of the mind. When we start breaking those boundaries, the ego doesn’t like it very much. There’s a refusal to connect mind, body and spirit.
Control was a the the root of my eating disorder and my addictions. I wanted reality to be a certain way, but rather than softening and accepting, I resisted and clenched down.
In relationships we can find ourselves trying to manipulate the situation are in to match how we want it to be. We try to control the outside when we don’t know how to deal with the inside.
So we need to learn how to deal with big feelings.
It’s important to appease the ego a little by remembering what we can control:
You can use your breath and direct it in your body into the areas of tension. You can use the tantric practice of breathing and brining awareness to 3 areas and recycling that energy over and over again
You can do this with a partner or at a mirror. You’ll feel energy moving through you. Keep acknowledging and surrendering to it. You’ll appease your ego enough to find peace again.
Connect with yourself and turn the control inward. Let the emotions that wash over you be ok.
And remember when you seek to control the outside world, the work on the inside is calling you.