Lately when I wake up in the morning, I journal. It’s such a simple practice, and some days I am excited to do it, and somedays…not so much. But, even if my mind tries to negotiate that it won’t help or what’s the point? I’ve been sticking to it, and very quickly seeing results.
I feel more calm, my head is clearer, and I feel lighter as if I have created some space. When I coach clients, I have more clarity and I am able to help them solve their problems with greater ease. On the days when it’s hard and I don’t want to do it, I think of how I won’t serve my clients to my fullest potential if I don’t. On the days I want to do it, I feel proud and grateful. Today was one of those days.Good morning,
I woke up this morning feeling grateful. The more I resist distracting myself with overanalyzing or overworking, the more I allow energy and emotions to process, the less driven I am to overeat or withdraw from the world.I think I used to just force it. Ok, no more overeating, I mean it, and do it in a disconnected mean way to myself. I breathe, soften and imagine this energy branching out especially around my diaphragm and stomach. I allow energy to flow there, I allow the emotions to process. I remind myself they won’t stay there forever. I listen to an inspiring podcast, I remind myself the benefits of not hiding, and showing up fully in my life.It takes such awareness. It takes such dedication, but it’s possible. It has taken me this long in my journey to get to this point, but as I went I picked up pieces to the puzzle, and lately it feels like they’re fitting together so I can see the clear picture of why I’m here.
It was the journey I had to go through and it’s perfect.
I wanted you to be my teacher.
I wanted to look at you with admiration.
I didn’t want to blame you.
I wanted us to heal together.
I wanted us to take this journey together.
I’m sorry I blamed you.
It hurts so much that sometimes it’s easier just to blame others.
I want to forgive you.
I love you so much.
I want to hold you.
I want to save you.
Why won’t you let me?
I wanted to fix you so bad.
I wanted you to be happy.
Then I can be happy.
We can be happy.
I need to let your journey be yours.
Let Go and Let God.
I do not belong in God’s affairs.
I do not know better.
I can love you and accept you as you stumble.
I can love you and accept you when you fall.
I can hold a space for you when you want to stand up.
But, your journey must be yours.
Thank you for making me stand on my own two feet.
Thank you for what you modeled for me, it made me dig deep.
You handed me a shovel and stood back.
You watched me as I struggled and did the work.
I went to an open AA meeting this past Wednesday. The setting was beautiful, right on the beach. The facilitators were friends of mine and I was curious to attend. I myself am not an alcoholic, but I admire people who have had a struggle and have chosen to look at themselves, accept responsibility for their lives, and surrender to the power of god. In fact, those are my people. As we went around the circle, my heart ached for each story as they shared their shame, their vulnerability, and what I most often heard was, “And by the grace of god, I am here and well.”