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Podcast not good enough
Either not good enough on a basic human being level or what I do is not good enough
It’s amazing how I can run myself nearly into the ground, and yet my brain still has this faulty believe that it’s not good enough. It’s interesting though, it has switched from me not being good enough to my actions not being good enough. Are used to be the opposite.
I think that’s progress. Though it still doesn’t feel warm and fuzzy. It’s interesting to recognize very clearly though that is not good enough. I think I’ve been seeking this contentment and I think I’ll get it from checking off everything on my to do list. I’ve done that many times.
And with the book coming out, I think I pictured myself intertwining my fingers behind my head and just kicking back and relaxing some sort of La-Z-Boy couch. But, the opposite happened.
I took three days and allowed myself to recover and then my brain was like now what? The brain is the ultimate problem solver. If it doesn’t have a puzzle or problem to solve it will create something.
Here’s the thing. This believe has some positive aspects as far as motivated me. I’m attached to it honestly. I’m not sure what would happen to my motivation if I stopped using it. Because I have created some wonderful things in the world fueled by this belief in the background.
It’s interesting to have this constant feeling driving. The last week or so I’ve been kind of tired. And so I started looking at why am I tired? When I actually looked at what I’ve accomplished this week, it was a lot.
So I try to understand, how come it doesn’t feel good enough? Like I didn’t do enough. It’s not the quality of the stuff and putting out that thing question, it’s the amount for some reason.
I think some of the key figures in my life that I looked up to and wanted admiration from were very much workaholics.
So, it’s less about them admiring me, and more about my perception of them admiring me. Hope that makes sense.
If you’re unsure if someone loving you, and you really want that love more than anything, chances are you’ll do whatever it takes to get that love. If you have a constant believe that they might not love me because of XYZ, then you’ll be motivated from the background and your subconscious programming to keep going and changing until you get the thing.
So, I’m working on changing up this belief while still staying motivated.