To My Pain Causer

12115713_876154203604_841313356499523360_n

I wanted you to be my teacher.
I wanted to look at you with admiration.
I didn’t want to blame you.

I wanted us to heal together.
I wanted us to take this journey together.

I’m sorry I blamed you.
It hurts so much that sometimes it’s easier just to blame others.
I want to forgive you.

I love you so much.
I want to hold you.
I want to save you.
Why won’t you let me?

I wanted to fix you so bad.
I wanted you to be happy.
Then I can be happy.
We can be happy.

I need to let your journey be yours.
Let Go and Let God.
I do not belong in God’s affairs.
I do not know better.

I can love you and accept you as you stumble.
I can love you and accept you when you fall.
I can hold a space for you when you want to stand up.
But, your journey must be yours.

Thank you for making me stand on my own two feet.
Thank you for what you modeled for me, it made me dig deep.
Real deep.
You handed me a shovel and stood back.
You watched me as I struggled and did the work.
Thank you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *